Woe is me

Troubles don't melt like lemon drops
They multiply and feed on your joy
Like ravenous locusts destroying crops
It knows no mercy, with your feelings they toy

One moment a glimmer of hope,
The next, leaving you in darkness to grope

I try to hold me head up high
Telling myself time for peace is nigh

Only to be brought down in the dump
Making me desperate enough to jump

For now I can hope and pray
And maybe soon I shall see a sunny day?

My 29 Years on Planet Earth

Today, I have successfully made through 29 years of my life on this plane of existence. And this is still the best yet so far. I have a wonderful and supportive family. I have a beautiful, loving and passionate girlfriend. I have a group of close and fun-loving friends. I feel blessed.

My life has definitely taken a turn for the better this year and I can only hope that it will keep improving.

The high point of yesterday was the surprise my close group of friends gave me. My best buddy, my cousin and her boyfriend made a cake for me and then gathered all my friends at my house to celebrate my birthday for me. This was so unexpected, I never expected and when i opened the door and they started to sing 'Happy Birthday' to me, I nearly cried. (Yes, go ahead say it, I am so 'Gu Niang')

Thanks to (in no order of preference and merit): Jonathan, Wanjun, Tricia, Wilson, Qiaoling, My Parents and last but not least My Baby! Lydia! Muack!

This Dream I Woke Up From

With tender hands on my face
The kiss still warm in place

The caress so sweet and soft
Puts my heart and soul aloft

The body is tainted again with lust
Yet the heart holds true with trust

This union is certainly unbecoming
Wagging tongues and gossip teeming

It is love or a simple crush?
Will it be over in a rush?

The answer came to me so clear
No longer do I need to fear

For I have woken up from this dream
Soon it will be memory up in steam

The Reservist.

I have been a PES E personnel since the day I registered for my National Service. Being a PES E personnel means that you are excused from all forms of physical activity in the force. Usually that would mean, you ended up being an administrative clerk for some people they would envy people like us, saying that we have a very cushy life.

For myself, I have never viewed National Service as a citizen's obligation but my right and honour to serve my country in a military defense capacity, to be a real man. When I started my stint as a clerk in MINDEF, I was a little disappointed being poseted so far from my home to do administrative.

That disappointment soon turned to a huge challenge as I soon realised that the job in store for me was not a mere administrative role. It was a one of great importance as it helps to shape the career path of many regular servicemen in the force.

I disrupted after 2 years and went to to pursue my studies. After 4 years I went back to the Army to serve the remainder of the NS term in a small unit with no gfreat contributions whatsoever. And I thought that would be the end of my involvement in NS.

2 years after I ORDed, I received a letter to go back for reservist. I was puzzled at first as most PES E personnel are not called back.

So here I am, well into the third week of my ICT, and feeling more proud then ever to be able to serve my country in a greater capacity than ever.

I may not be able to serve with my body, but I can serve with my mind and my spirit.

Music is my soul food

Oh ya! Its 2008 already! And I am still clubbing...what the heck? So much for the new year resolution to cut down on clubbing. Every time the feeling after clubbing is pure fatigue and I keep telling myself "This is the last time!". After a week of recovery, the music and the dance floor calls out to my very soul, causing me to yearn for it like a man in a desert yearns for water.

The feeling is indescribable when I am putting my moves to the groove. The earth stops revolving, tomorrow will not come until the music stops. Music moves me, feeds me, sustains me. When the music plays I stop being myself and surrender to its rhythm.

Cantrary to many people's beliefs, its not alchohol that causes intoxication, it the music!

How can I stop when it affects me sooooooooo much? Tell me how?

The $10 KTV Session

My cousin brought me to this really cool KTV outlet in Smith St., Chinatown and boy was the place cool! You can have free flow of drinks and they even give you a bowl of complimentary shark's fin soup! I would like to state for the record that I am against the consumption of shark's fin due to the inhumane way of killing the poor animals but still no KTV I have been to can match up to their price and value for money. Simply amazing! I know I sound like a caveman being so ignorant to the KTV scene in Singapore.

After all, this coming from a guy whose repertoire consists of like maybe 4 English songs and 2 Chinese songs that should not be too surprising. Anyway, I am definitely going back there again but I would definitely need to learn some new songs, apparently its kind a no-no to sing songs to MTVs which consists of babes in bikinis having nothing to do with the song.

I have included a video here showing my cousin and her friend doing their exellent rendition of 'First Love' by Hikaru Utada. There is also a green ninja in the video....watch out for him.

Love or Money

I don't have a car and I don't have money
So the gals always tell me 'No way, Honey'

My love and care isn't good enough
Cause you said that life would be tough

Just being with me would be such a chore
So you start to set sail for a richer shore

It doesn't matter if he's older or uglier
As long as he is much wealthier

'Don't worry be happy' does not apply here
Cause most feel my job is not my career

Lamenting and complaining is sure not helping
Could I earn more if I started pimping?

Love me? Love my money?
Apparently so for my Asian honey

Felicity

One heart torn between two loves
One mind seeking solace in droves

Undecided,
heart divided

One half seeks passion and excitement,
The other seeks stability and contentment

Lust or love,
or none of the above

Oh, when will she see the light
When can she give up this fight

Fight or flight
Stay the night?

Heart so brokened and troubled
Seeking love, efforted doubled

Cry or smile
Walk the mile

Tears and rain run down her face
A home she has yet belonging no place

Closure

I have wondered how I would react if I ever saw my ex again after our breakup. Would I be angry, sad or would I avoid seeing her at all. Well, that question was answered when I saw her today when she was knocking off to go and get her bf a Christmas gift.

I ran and caught up with her, when I called her name she was a little apprehensive but she did not run or anything. We had a decent and cordial conversation and realise that we could stil communicate without any one of use turning into animals.

Overall, I guess it was fate that allowed me to meet her again. From our short 15-minute conversation, I managed to confirm a lot of things that I had been wondering about. Like why exactly she left me for the other guy. I realised that money played an important factor too. A stone-broke guy like myself would have problems settling down with no money in the bank. I guess ultimately the love in that relationship could not stand the test of money. Ha ha. Maybe then there was really no love in it at all and it was all just one sided? Oh well, its water under the bridge.

Perhaps it is high time I start re-looking at my finances and REALLY start to plan for my future....though its like the umpteenth time i have told myself this. SAVE SAVE SAVE!

A December To Remember

Its soothing hands caress my face

Soft and gentle, like English lace

The glistening of a drop of dew

Yet those who savoured it are few

Its warmth blankets against the cold

Safe I am, sheltered between its fold

The eternal sunset stays in mind

Seen even by those who are blind

Its power makes precious stones

Cheapened, turned dust and bones

The expansiveness of the ocean

Would seem small by its comparison

Its light would show the very way

To place for the world-weary to stay

I speak of love, its power and greatness

The source of both grief and much happiness

I speak of love because I felt it and I knew it

But I speak not more of it because I found it

I found it in the month of December,

A December for which I will remember

Its the most wonderful time of the year!

Alright people we have finally made it to December 2007! Woooooohooooooo! In my opinion, its the best damn freaking month of the year! Its not just the because Christmas is round the corner or because of New Year's Eve. December is a month that represents closure and it also represents a period of reflection.

I certainly have done my own reflection of 2007. I felt in general, I have had a pretty good year with the obvious exceptions of two major boo-boos at work and my breakup. I guess I learnt to take things in my stride and always, always, always look on the bright side of life.

I also strongly believe that whatever happens to me, happens for a reason. Call it fate, luck or god's will, if things have not happened the way they did I certainly would not be where I am today.

The curious thing is that all the good things that happened, happened only after the breakup. For one thing, I became closer to the Velvetine girls and have almost become a "sister" to them.
I also managed to re-established contact with one of my "long-lost" cousins and have made acquaintances with some of her cooler friends.(haha) But I guess the most important event that occurred was meeting a certain someone who somehow made me feel I could love again.

I know some people who know me will feel that this is like a normal kind of thing for me but what most people don't know is that I have cried my eyes out everytime I go through a breakup. I put up a happy front so that no one will know my true suffering but the pain and sorrow is all there. I carry it with me everyday, the lucky thing is that the period of carrying the emotional baggage is over.

The very thought of finding someone so quickly often frightens me and sometimes leaves me skeptical. I question myself whether that someone is a rebound? The answer at first was so unclear, but very quickly the answer revealed itself....

Anyways, I am definitely looking forward to all the exciting things that will be happening next year.....especially the trip to Tokyo! I fervently wish that my life will get increasingly better and that my career will have more opportunities for growth!

But before we can even hit 2008, I need to start planning for my Christmas activities and presents.

Ah....This is truly a December to remember!

Linger

At first things seems to be so right

My future with her was all so bright

Quarrels and fights we may have had

Yet down the path of love we've been lead

Growing stronger each and every day

Hand in hand in work and play

We guided and support one another

Thinking there will be no other

She was my world and I was to her

The love we had nothing could deter

Until the day he met her.

So swiftly my world came down crashing

Painful and deadly, I felt like dying

Never had I been hurt so bad

Never thought someone could make me so sad

Yet in reflection, I now see

It was a fate I could not flee

As much as I have tried

So many times I have cried

All the best plans may have been laid

But nothing stands in the way of fate

For now I am glad what happened happened

Thank you my friends no need to be saddened

For I have finally experienced for once in my life

The feeling of commitment in the face of strife

There is no hate, no more pain nor anger

Only the happiness of my past still linger

I write the poem not because I am sad. I wrote it as a reminder to myself and also as testament to the trails that one can go through in life. No matter how bleak the situation is there is a always always a silver lining in the clouds. PEACE people!

The Cousins' Clubbing Session

Despite what I said about clubbing, once again I am going for one this evening. The only difference today is that there are going to be cousin's about 4 of them. Hows this for a fun wholesome family outing? Ha Ha. I going to update this with photos later.

Clubbing Frenzy

I thought it was going to be fun. Well it was for a while....but clubbing is once again losing its appeal and I begin to remember why I stopped going in the first place. In the span of one month I have clubbed six times or so. It was exhilarating on the first time, then it got better, the photo taking was fun too.

The drinks were okay too, but then I don't drink much *snicker*. Just the last night of clubbing, I realised I have reached my peak already and the feeling of emptiness has set in. Meeting new people is nice, but I would like to meet people under a more toned down setting.

The painted faces, gyrating bodies and vacuous smiles does not bode well for a future for a finding a settling-down partner. Not that I want to rush into marriage but sometimes i just feel that I can do something more with my life. I want to.....just cannot find the motivation to do so.

At 28, my achievements are mediocre, at this rate I will never make it big. I wish could stop bitching about it and do something instead but currently my hands are tied for the next 3 years.

I feel so bloody dispassionate about what I do for a living, when I entered the workforce, I truly thought that I would be in a organization that can make a difference in society but that's simply looking at life through rose-tinted lenses.

I have a responsibility to my job and owe it to my parents to have made it this far. There maybe someone just round the corner but life is so filled with uncertainties that even that possibility may seem like an impossibility.

Wait, a sudden realisation hit me again....without friends I am nothing. I digress.....

I must be positive
I must be positive
I must be positive
I must be positive
I must be positive
I must be positive
I must be positive
I must be positive
I must be positive

Ok, I am now positive!

Tears of a Rose

A quiet day alone
No one else at home

Matters of the heart
Don't know where to start

Those tears she shed
Like the heart that bled

Pain and desperation
With little consolation

A mother who doesn't know
The pain inside her will grow

A boyfriend who doesn't care
Loving him is a dare

A job with no satisfaction
Lesser is the renumeration

All else seems to be hopeless
Her life shrouded in darkness

And yet hope is all around
In abundance which will astound

If she opens her heart and eyes
She will never utter those cries

For people who love her
Are all around her

Supporting her
Caring for her

Should the world be torn asunder
Everything in life goes under

She will know at least one friend
Who will be there till the very end

Victoria's (Not So Secret) Secret

The world is my oyster
Seeking its pearls, I wander
The globe and every corner,
Growing colder but at times warmer

And yet my life is a wonder
A miracle blooming like a flower
Wonderous and full of power
Of life and love, every hour

With a heart now healed and stronger
Heralds a new day and music louder
The sweet sound of life above my head it towers
Chasing my fears away, they will cower

This is my life, this is my hour
This is my fate, I will holler
This is my way, I won't falter
This is my world, this is my oyster

The Dancefloor

In the dim and misty den

Many come, women and men

Pulsating music, flashing lights

Fun but sometimes carnal delights

Gyrating bodies and swaying hips

Many kissing strangers' lips

Cares and concern all but abandoned

Mistakes made but never learned

Morality is non-existent

Sexuality and lust is persistent

Intoxicating spirits and wines
Turns many a prince into swines

The curse and bane of many

Unable to resist the female fanny

Gone are the days of joy

Nothing left but someone's discarded toy

Emptiness ensues, encroaches

Satisfaction and simple joy beyond our reaches

Curse and swear if you must

Your heart, your head you cannot trust

Try as you might not to be a whore,

But fail you will while you are on the dancefloor

Hope Is All That We Have

Beauty seen in starlight

Hidden flaws away from the bright

Charmed is the heart of mine

Blinded my eyes over time

Pride towered over many men

Failure eroded it like winds of sand

Sifted through the sieve of life

Seeing it can never be without strife

Yet hope and love remain

Within grasp of those in pain